Understanding Resistance to Change in Coaching: Why Clients Stay Stuck (And How Coaches Can Help)

Resistance to change is often misunderstood in coaching. Many people view it as a lack of motivation or commitment, when in reality it is usually a normal response to uncertainty, fear, or stepping outside familiar patterns. This article explores why resistance is a natural part of the coaching process and how coaches can respond with curiosity rather than assumption. It examines common reasons clients become stuck, the role of comfort zones and limiting beliefs, and how creating a safe, client-centred environment can help clients move towards meaningful and sustainable change.

One of the biggest lessons many coaches come to realise is that resistance isn’t usually what it appears to be.

At first glance, it can look like a client isn’t committed to change. They arrive at a session saying they desperately want things to be different, yet every option explored seems to come with a reason why it won’t work or why now isn’t the right time.

It is easy for a coach to fall into thinking resistance meant ‘I hadn’t asked the right question’ or that ‘I wasn’t coaching effectively enough’. However, resistance could simply mean that you have reached something important. Instead of seeing it as an obstacle, coaches would benefit from seeing it as valuable information. More often than not, it was pointing towards the real work that needed to happen.

Many clients genuinely want change. They are tired of feeling stuck, frustrated with repeating the same patterns, and motivated to create something different in their lives. Yet despite these intentions, they often find themselves returning to familiar behaviours. This isn’t because they don’t care. It’s because change is rarely as simple as deciding to do something differently.

Understanding resistance is one of the most valuable skills a coach can develop. When approached with curiosity rather than assumption or bias, resistance becomes an opportunity for deeper understanding and more meaningful conversations.

Resistance Is a Normal Part of Change

One of the biggest misconceptions about coaching is the belief that clients should feel excited and motivated throughout the entire change process.

In reality, resistance is a completely normal response to change.

As humans, we naturally seek certainty. We like familiar routines because they require less energy and feel predictable. Even when those routines no longer serve us, they can still feel safer than stepping into the unknown. Research into intentional change supports the idea that meaningful growth often involves periods of discomfort, uncertainty, and emotional tension before lasting change occurs (Boyatzis, Smith, & Van Oosten, 2022).

This is something that a coach might need to remind clients of. Feeling uncertain doesn’t mean they’re making the wrong decision. It usually means they’re making a different one.

Clients often believe that once they have made a decision to change, everything should become easier. Instead, they discover that change can bring uncertainty, self-doubt and vulnerability. That doesn’t mean they are failing; instead, this means they are growing.

What Resistance Really Looks Like

Resistance isn’t always obvious.

Sometimes clients openly admit they are scared.

More often, resistance appears in subtle ways.

It might look like:

• continually postponing action
• changing the subject when difficult emotions arise
• focusing on why something won’t work
• waiting for the “perfect time”
• setting unrealistic goals that become impossible to achieve
• overthinking every possible outcome before taking the first step

You may hear clients saying:

“I know exactly what I need to do, I just can’t seem to do it.”

Or…

“Maybe I’ll start next week when things settle down.”

We can all relate to that—perhaps we have even said it ourselves.

Resistance often disguises itself as logic. Clients can become incredibly good at explaining why today isn’t the right day. The explanation may sound reasonable. Sometimes it genuinely is. But sometimes it simply protects them from facing something uncomfortable.

Fear Often Sits Beneath Resistance

When we gently explore resistance, fear is frequently sitting underneath it. Fear can take many forms, not just fear of failure.

A client might fear:

• making the wrong decision
• disappointing others
• being judged
• losing financial security
• becoming successful and having greater expectations placed upon them
• discovering they are capable of more than they believed

One of the interesting observations in coaching is that clients are often surprised by what they uncover themselves. Someone who believes they are procrastinating because they lack motivation may eventually realise they are actually afraid of failing. Another client who constantly says yes to everyone may discover that saying no feels like risking rejection.

These realisations are powerful because they shift the conversation away from behaviour and towards understanding what is driving it. Once that happens, meaningful coaching can begin.

The Comfort Zone Isn’t Always Comfortable

People often talk about stepping outside their comfort zone. This phrase can be a little misleading, as many clients don’t actually feel comfortable where they are. They might be stressed, overwhelmed, exhausted or unhappy.

What feels comfortable is not necessarily the situation itself. It’s the familiarity of it. We know what to expect. We know how to survive in it.

The unknown, on the other hand, requires us to take a risk. That uncertainty can feel far more uncomfortable than remaining exactly where we are. This is why clients sometimes remain in jobs they dislike, relationships that no longer serve them, or habits they know are unhealthy.

From the outside, it can be difficult to understand. From the inside, it often feels like the safest option available.

When Staying Stuck Feels Safer

One concept that can help us better understand resistance is recognising that staying stuck can sometimes provide hidden benefits or payoffs. As coaches, it’s important not to judge this, instead be curious about it.

For example, a client may say they desperately want to leave a job they dislike. As the conversation unfolds, they realise that staying where they are provides financial certainty, familiar routines and predictable expectations. Leaving would mean interviews, uncertainty, learning new systems and risking rejection. Suddenly, their resistance makes perfect sense.

Another client may say they want healthier boundaries. Yet every time an opportunity arises to say no, they immediately say yes. When explored further, they realise saying yes has helped them avoid conflict for years. Again, resistance isn’t laziness, but some form of protection.

Recognising these competing needs helps clients understand themselves without self-criticism. It is worth reminding clients that our minds are usually trying to keep us safe, even when the strategies they use no longer serve us. That simple shift in perspective often reduces shame and opens the door to more compassionate conversations.

The Coach’s Role

One of the biggest mistakes coaches can make is trying to push clients through resistance.

It’s understandable that when we genuinely care about our clients, we naturally want to help them move forward. However, pushing often creates more resistance. On the contrary, slowing down usually produces far better outcomes than speeding things up.

Rather than trying to convince a client they should change, it is much more effective to become curious about what is making change difficult.

Try asking simple questions like:

• “What’s making this feel difficult right now?”
• “What feels risky about taking that step?”
• “What do you think might happen if you did make that change?”

These questions often lead to far richer conversations than trying to persuade or motivate the client.

Coaching is not about removing resistance. It is about understanding it. When clients feel heard rather than pushed, they are often much more willing to explore what is happening for them. Resistance stops being something to fight against. Instead, it becomes part of the coaching conversation.

Limiting Beliefs Can Keep Clients Stuck

Resistance is often closely connected to the beliefs clients hold about themselves. These beliefs aren’t always obvious. Sometimes they sound like:

“I’m just not confident enough.”

“I’ve never been good at speaking up.”

“People like me don’t usually succeed.”

“I’m too old to start again.”

The longer these beliefs have been around, the more they begin to feel like facts rather than opinions.

Coaches are not there to tell clients that these beliefs are wrong. Instead, a coach creates a space where a client can begin questioning whether those beliefs are still serving them.

Often when clients discover a belief they’ve been carrying for years is no longer true, it can completely change the direction of a coaching conversation. It’s not uncommon for clients to realise they’ve been making decisions based on an old story rather than their current reality. That awareness can be incredibly freeing.

Curiosity Will Always Outperform Assumption

A significant shift in coaching takes place when a coach stops trying to solve resistance and start becoming genuinely curious about it. Curiosity changes everything.

Instead of asking, “Why won’t this client just do it?”, the question then becomes:

“What might be happening for them that I haven’t understood yet?”

That small shift changes the entire dynamic of the conversation.

Clients don’t want to feel analysed or criticised; they want to feel understood.

Often, the more accepted clients feel, the more willing they become to honestly explore what is happening beneath the surface. Some of the most powerful coaching conversations begin when we stop trying to remove resistance and simply become interested in it.

The Importance of Sitting With Discomfort

For coaches, an important reminder is that you don’t need to rescue your clients from uncomfortable moments.

Silence can feel awkward and many new coaches can relate to the thought of needing to fill every pause with another question or another insight. Over time, you may realise that some of the biggest breakthroughs happened during those moments of silence.

It was often while the client sat quietly thinking that something shifted. They connected the dots, recognised a pattern, and challenged one of their own assumptions. Those moments couldn’t have happened if their coach had rushed in to fill the space.

Silence isn’t empty. It’s often where the thinking happens. This is one of the most valuable tools a coach has.

Progress Doesn’t Always Look Like Action

Another thing to keep in mind is that progress isn’t always measured by what happens immediately after a coaching session. Sometimes a client leaves with a clear action plan and completes every step before the next appointment. Other times they don’t. That doesn’t necessarily mean the session wasn’t successful.

Occasionally, the greatest progress comes from a client thinking differently rather than acting differently straight away. Perhaps they begin noticing a pattern they’ve never seen before. Maybe they catch themselves reacting differently in a conversation. Or perhaps they simply become more aware of the choices they have available.

These moments can seem small. Yet they often become the foundation for much bigger changes later on. This reminds us that coaching is rarely about quick fixes. It’s about creating lasting change that clients can continue building on long after the coaching relationship has ended (Grant, 2023).

Supporting Clients Without Taking Over

One of the challenges coaches often face is wanting success for the client just as much as the client does. While this comes from a place of genuine care, it’s important not to become more invested in the client’s goals than they are.

When coaches begin carrying the responsibility for change, client ownership can quickly diminish. The client starts looking to the coach for answers instead of discovering them for themselves.

The most effective coaching relationships maintain a balance.

The coach provides support; the client provides commitment.

The coach offers accountability; the client chooses the action.

Maintaining this balance is an important part of ethical coaching practice and helps preserve the client’s autonomy (Association for Coaching, 2021; International Coaching Federation, 2025).

What Resistance Can Teach Us

Resistance can teach coaches patience.

It reminds coaches not to assume they understand what is happening for a client and reinforces the importance of listening beyond the words being spoken.

People rarely resist change because they do not want a better life. More often, they are trying to protect themselves from uncertainty.

When resistance is understood in this way, it becomes less frustrating and instead offers an opportunity for exploration, compassion and curiosity.

Clients do not always need someone to remove their fear. They may simply need someone to walk beside them as they discover that they are capable of moving through it.

This understanding can influence not only the way coaches support clients, but also the way they approach change more broadly.

Final Thoughts

Resistance is often seen as the obstacle standing between a client and the life they want. However, it can be understood as something quite different.

Resistance is information.

It indicates where uncertainty exists, highlights beliefs that may need to be explored and can reveal fears that have remained hidden beneath the surface for years.

When approached with curiosity rather than judgement, resistance can become one of the most valuable parts of the coaching process.

The coach’s role is not to force change or convince clients to take action before they are ready. It is to create an environment in which clients feel safe enough to explore what may be holding them back, challenge long-held beliefs and gradually move towards meaningful and sustainable change.

Sometimes this movement is obvious. At other times, it is incredibly small. Both forms of progress matter.

Lasting change does not usually occur because someone provides the perfect piece of advice. It occurs as clients begin to see themselves differently. They recognise strengths they did not realise they had, challenge stories they have been telling themselves for years and gradually discover that they are more capable than they once believed.

Resistance may not be an obstacle that needs to be removed. Instead, it may be the beginning of a conversation that leads to real and lasting change.

References

Association for Coaching. (2021). Global Code of Ethics.
https://www.associationforcoaching.com/page/AboutCodeEthics

Boyatzis, R. E., Smith, M. L., & Van Oosten, E. (2022). Helping People Change: Coaching with Compassion for Lifelong Learning and Growth (2nd ed.). Harvard Business Review Press.
Boyatzis, R. E., Smith, M. L., & Van Oosten, E. (2022)

Grant, A. M. (2023). The third ‘generation’ of workplace coaching: Creating a culture of quality conversations. Coaching: An International Journal of Theory, Research and Practice, 16(1), 1–15.
Grant, A. M. (2023)

International Coaching Federation. (2025). ICF Code of Ethics.
https://coachingfederation.org/credentialing/coaching-ethics/icf-code-of-ethics/

McManus, B. C., & Waters, S. (2024). Creating the conditions for reflethical practice: Exploring the potential for creativity and arts-based approaches to support the development and evolution of ethical awareness in coaching practice. Philosophy of Coaching: An International Journal, 9(1), 4–14.
McManus, B. C., & Waters, S. (2024)