Types of Affairs

Knowing the type of infidelity sometimes makes understanding it a little easier. Was it a one night stand or a long term affair? Was it due to mid life crisis or an act of retaliation? Is there a sexual addiction or did he/she want the marriage to end?

There are several types of affairs which include:

1. The curiosity affair — where one is bored and curious about the excitement of having an external relationship.
2. The unintended affair — a simultaneous attraction occurs in an environment outside the relationship.
3. The compulsive affair — often initiated by one with a risk taking and adventurous personality.
4. The retaliative affair — is motivated by revenge and serves the purpose of equalising the wrongs. But do two wrongs equal a right?
5. The split self affair — this happens when the needs of others are put before those of oneself, and the deprivation catches up. Usually a long term affair because decisions are avoided.
6. The distance regulator — the relationship is usually over but tolerated for reasons which may include the children and security.
7. Out the door affair — an “excuse” for leaving the relationship. This occurs when the relationship is over for the betrayer but wants a quick way out. Often clues are left for a quick discovery.
8. Empty nest affairs — where couples have lived their lives around the children and have found that the empty nest is too empty and lonely.
9. Sexual addiction — when the couple’s sexual drive is not equalised and the betrayer goes in search of sexual satisfaction outside the relationship.
10. Intimacy avoiders — being intimate with someone outside the relationship helps retain distance from your partner. It is a means to staying absent.
11. Conflict avoidance — an affair to control and diffuse anger, and avoid arguments and difference of opinion.

3 Comments

1. 

   Editor  /  August 20, 2007, 4:32 pm

   Do you know any other types of affairs? Post your comments!

2. 

   Helen Pokorny  /  August 28, 2007, 6:06 pm

   One reason not mentioned refers to sexual identity, ie the need to explore/ resolve issues relating to one’s non standard sexuality, or to maintain a non-standard sexual identity while maintaining a conventional heterosexual relationship. Eleanor Roosevelt springs to mind as an example. She maintained a long term same-sex relationship while maintaining a very public, conventional marriage. Men too who identify as heterosexual, but who nevertheless have casual sexual encounters/ affairs with other men. Perhaps these loosely fit into No 5 , the Split Self Affair, but I think the issue of sexual identity is sufficiently important to warrant its own category.

3. 

   janey  /  April 4, 2008, 8:35 pm

   An affair which my husband had was through text messaging only. No meetings, no sex, just obscene messages.